Ladies and gentlemen, at long last I can confirm the outstanding rumor that I am retarded. The evidence is simple: I'm somewhat interested in this year's regurgitation of Lollapalooza. Is it because of the re-united Jane's Addiction, Dusty? No, certainly not. Is it because you love that Audioslave album, Mr Strangler? Um, no. Is it because the Donnas rock? Or the Jurassic 5 are like De la Soul cum Roots? Or the Incubus singer might keep his shirt on? No, no, no. I think I must pin the blame on Queens of the Stone Age. Sure, I've missed every single show they've played in Chicago-- and Nashville, for that matter-- since '98 when they played the Double Door, but now I really want to see them live.
See, I told you I'm retarded.
Alas, only a free ticket would shuttle my punkass to the hoary fields of the Tweeter Center.. or to OzFest or Warped or any other package fiesta for that matter... I guess what I'm really doing here is bemoaning the dearth of serious (Ticketmaster) shows in the impending summer months. I'd love to see Neil Young & Crazy Horse at the United Center but I think I'd like to keep my right arm & leg for a while (I think they're charging $60 for the nosebleeds). Maybe I'll see the Tomahawk/Melvins show-- no, I don't think I could handle a Mike Patton project for any longer than a nanosecond. Aerosmith / Kiss? Oooo, oooo, oooo, ow. What a great night it would be to hear "Sweet Emotion" and "Rock and Roll All Night" for the 9000th time, and pay $100 for the privilege. Throw me a boner, peeps! Hell, at this point I'll even take a Rooney / Bright Eyes / Dashboard Confessional / Weezer / Glassjaw / Thursday extravangana b/c I might be able to afford it, and though the music would be akin to inserting broken, shunted bamboo shoots into my penal hole, at least there would be hot young chicks with blossoming boobies.
Allah, what hath become of my rock and roll fantasy?!
On yeah, I saw "House of 1000 Corpses" last weekend. Now I can say with utter assurance that I hate Rob Zombie, simply b/c he has now done exactly what I wanted to do: make a pointlessly fun big budget homage to every great 70s horror/gore flick, and somehow managing to get Karen Black and Sid Haig (Spider Baby) to share-chew the same scenery. Lots of fun, folks, though some of the audience required a few good ballpunchings. See it in a second run theater so you can masterbate to the oodles of nekkid boobies, or wait til the uncensored version comes out of DVD & do it in the privacy of yer own hellhole.
See, I told you I'm retarded.
Alas, only a free ticket would shuttle my punkass to the hoary fields of the Tweeter Center.. or to OzFest or Warped or any other package fiesta for that matter... I guess what I'm really doing here is bemoaning the dearth of serious (Ticketmaster) shows in the impending summer months. I'd love to see Neil Young & Crazy Horse at the United Center but I think I'd like to keep my right arm & leg for a while (I think they're charging $60 for the nosebleeds). Maybe I'll see the Tomahawk/Melvins show-- no, I don't think I could handle a Mike Patton project for any longer than a nanosecond. Aerosmith / Kiss? Oooo, oooo, oooo, ow. What a great night it would be to hear "Sweet Emotion" and "Rock and Roll All Night" for the 9000th time, and pay $100 for the privilege. Throw me a boner, peeps! Hell, at this point I'll even take a Rooney / Bright Eyes / Dashboard Confessional / Weezer / Glassjaw / Thursday extravangana b/c I might be able to afford it, and though the music would be akin to inserting broken, shunted bamboo shoots into my penal hole, at least there would be hot young chicks with blossoming boobies.
Allah, what hath become of my rock and roll fantasy?!
On yeah, I saw "House of 1000 Corpses" last weekend. Now I can say with utter assurance that I hate Rob Zombie, simply b/c he has now done exactly what I wanted to do: make a pointlessly fun big budget homage to every great 70s horror/gore flick, and somehow managing to get Karen Black and Sid Haig (Spider Baby) to share-chew the same scenery. Lots of fun, folks, though some of the audience required a few good ballpunchings. See it in a second run theater so you can masterbate to the oodles of nekkid boobies, or wait til the uncensored version comes out of DVD & do it in the privacy of yer own hellhole.
by at 3:49 PM
i watching wgn news this morning on the t.v. (mainly looking for travel times on our fair city's highway system) when entertainment reporter sam rubin came on with some interesting reality t.v. news.
apparently, some producer has put together the o.j. simpson reality show, a la "the osbornes," with our favorite hall-of-fame-footballer/double-murderer.
o.j. was filmed over a period of two years, and about 12 episodes have been edited together. no one has bought the show, yet, but i can't imagine it won't be picked up soon.
i'm sure there will plenty of footage of o.j. on the golf course and working on his investigation of who killed nicole and ron. i bet all the cocaine-orgy footage will wind up on the cutting room floor, though. you know, all the good stuff.
maybe we will get to see how screwy his kids are.
how nauseating!
apparently, some producer has put together the o.j. simpson reality show, a la "the osbornes," with our favorite hall-of-fame-footballer/double-murderer.
o.j. was filmed over a period of two years, and about 12 episodes have been edited together. no one has bought the show, yet, but i can't imagine it won't be picked up soon.
i'm sure there will plenty of footage of o.j. on the golf course and working on his investigation of who killed nicole and ron. i bet all the cocaine-orgy footage will wind up on the cutting room floor, though. you know, all the good stuff.
maybe we will get to see how screwy his kids are.
how nauseating!
by at 2:53 PM
"Sorry I missed your show but I was out back reading poetry."
"Yeah? Well, maybe you can help me straighten out my Longfellow."
Shiznizza, things seem real quiet in these here backwater parts. But quite the contrary. There is much misinformation to pass along. Our six-song demo(n) should be off to press this week-- that's right, no more CD-Rs fer us. And with those puppies we're gonna strike every likely & unlikely media outlet b/c we want money & we want it now so we can become the slovenly hatebreeders we really are and devastate your town on a regular basis when not amassing a recorded output akin to that of the Melvins. We also took some righteous brothers photos of our general ugliness & malcontent to be uploaded to a new web page entitled, "Meet Your Assailants." Hopefully Norman will have that up & running with the devil soon. We're writing more & more songs so that we will be forced to record three albums just to catch up. You're welcome. We're also working on snazzy new T-shirts and stickers featuring everyone's favorite star of "Capricorn One." But no new shows line up as of yet. Things are in the works but since 3/4s of KoS are in the process of moving to new dens of inequity, something had to give. But rest assured we're chomping at the bit to unleash aural love/hate at a watering hole near you.
And yes, KoS supports our troops. Who the hell doesn't? Seriously, have you ever met anyone who says, "Fuck the troops"? Of course not. But let's place the loving sentiment on a Gas City billboard anyway, right above "Mulch $9.99." And is the war over? Everyone was fretting over the likely ugliness of a door-to-door campaign for Baghdad, quietly reliving the nightmare of Somalia '94, but then suddenly the troops leading the arrowhead advance are there on a calm Sunday afternoon to help the Iraqi civvies knock down a hollow bronze statue of Saddam. So look out, Syria, cuz Rummy's got a big ol' boner and he's gonna choke yer chicken next.
"Yeah? Well, maybe you can help me straighten out my Longfellow."
Shiznizza, things seem real quiet in these here backwater parts. But quite the contrary. There is much misinformation to pass along. Our six-song demo(n) should be off to press this week-- that's right, no more CD-Rs fer us. And with those puppies we're gonna strike every likely & unlikely media outlet b/c we want money & we want it now so we can become the slovenly hatebreeders we really are and devastate your town on a regular basis when not amassing a recorded output akin to that of the Melvins. We also took some righteous brothers photos of our general ugliness & malcontent to be uploaded to a new web page entitled, "Meet Your Assailants." Hopefully Norman will have that up & running with the devil soon. We're writing more & more songs so that we will be forced to record three albums just to catch up. You're welcome. We're also working on snazzy new T-shirts and stickers featuring everyone's favorite star of "Capricorn One." But no new shows line up as of yet. Things are in the works but since 3/4s of KoS are in the process of moving to new dens of inequity, something had to give. But rest assured we're chomping at the bit to unleash aural love/hate at a watering hole near you.
And yes, KoS supports our troops. Who the hell doesn't? Seriously, have you ever met anyone who says, "Fuck the troops"? Of course not. But let's place the loving sentiment on a Gas City billboard anyway, right above "Mulch $9.99." And is the war over? Everyone was fretting over the likely ugliness of a door-to-door campaign for Baghdad, quietly reliving the nightmare of Somalia '94, but then suddenly the troops leading the arrowhead advance are there on a calm Sunday afternoon to help the Iraqi civvies knock down a hollow bronze statue of Saddam. So look out, Syria, cuz Rummy's got a big ol' boner and he's gonna choke yer chicken next.
by at 11:54 AM
if you look back at the comments box on norman's post dated 3/19 about what god wants, you'll see yet another knife of simpson prediction has come true. but this time, i have that creepy feeling i've just made a major withdrawal from the 1st national bank of karma.
but screw it. syracuse won the big tourney last night.
so, just a quick "congradulations" to the team and jimmy boehiem, from syracuse's four most embarrassing alumni (next to derrick coleman, of course).
but screw it. syracuse won the big tourney last night.
so, just a quick "congradulations" to the team and jimmy boehiem, from syracuse's four most embarrassing alumni (next to derrick coleman, of course).
by at 2:55 PM
It looks like Dicky Daley's been doing some digging in his sandbox.
About midnight Sunday, several backhoes, large trucks carrying floodlights, generators and other equipment arrived at the airport and started working on the north-to-south runway. By morning there were a series of large, X-shaped carvings in the concrete runway's center. Large, illuminated "X" signs marked either end of the runway. The action came without public notice.
Meigs Field is a waste of space, agreed--but why tear it up in the middle of the night? And why invoke the threat of national security for such an autocratic and arbitrary action?
Sound like Dick Jr. is having a bit of a personality crisis. It must be tough trying to fill his dad's steel-toed shitkickers. I mean, tearing up an airfield isn't quite the same as condemning ten square blocks of orphanages and selling the property to real estate developers, or having your private army gassing and thrashing peaceful protesters in front of a worldwide television audience, but it must make him feel a little better.
So what's up with the Xes? Is Chicago going straightedge? Are Lake Michigan pirates going to bury treasure there? Is it a signal for an alien Mothership? If it is, I hope it's the Parliament Funkadelic Mothership. Can you hear me, CC?
Read about it here. In the meantime, I'm putting on my tinfoil hat and hiding out in the crawlspace for a few weeks until this all blows over.
About midnight Sunday, several backhoes, large trucks carrying floodlights, generators and other equipment arrived at the airport and started working on the north-to-south runway. By morning there were a series of large, X-shaped carvings in the concrete runway's center. Large, illuminated "X" signs marked either end of the runway. The action came without public notice.
Meigs Field is a waste of space, agreed--but why tear it up in the middle of the night? And why invoke the threat of national security for such an autocratic and arbitrary action?
Sound like Dick Jr. is having a bit of a personality crisis. It must be tough trying to fill his dad's steel-toed shitkickers. I mean, tearing up an airfield isn't quite the same as condemning ten square blocks of orphanages and selling the property to real estate developers, or having your private army gassing and thrashing peaceful protesters in front of a worldwide television audience, but it must make him feel a little better.
So what's up with the Xes? Is Chicago going straightedge? Are Lake Michigan pirates going to bury treasure there? Is it a signal for an alien Mothership? If it is, I hope it's the Parliament Funkadelic Mothership. Can you hear me, CC?
Read about it here. In the meantime, I'm putting on my tinfoil hat and hiding out in the crawlspace for a few weeks until this all blows over.
by at 10:52 AM