The Powers That Be in Washington are itching to go to war and no one out there has anything to say? Are our lives so filled with daily tasks & loathsome ennui that we have nothing to legimately grind our teeth over? Prozac, indeed. Does anyone have any? I could use some. No insurance, no prescription drugs.
Flame-haired doves & lily-necked anarchists descended upon the Capital this weekend past to protest... well, they weren't exactly sure what they were protesting either. But God bless 'em, they took their faceful of pepper spray and batons to rally around the cause of... um... uh... to free the eagles? Yes, free the Philadelphia Eagles! Donovan McNabb should be playing basketball, not football. Nononono! They were protesting the war on... drugs? Not very likely. Everyone knows that 10 per cent of every drug purchase goes to the terrorists. If we blindly buy drugs from every Tom, Dick or Spanky on the street corners of America we may very well be funding terrorist activities. We'd rather spend that money on cheap ExxonMobil BPAmoco GasCityJewelOsco gas, the proceeds of which slush the coffers of our buds in such OPEC subscribers as Saudi Arabia. Wait, weren't most of the 9-11 terrorists Saudi nationals?-- Blurp. Didn't hear that from me.-- No, America's finest college-age (honky) youth were protesting against the proposed invasion of Iraq... they weren't? Huh. That's odd. So what were they doing there? They received quite a bit of news coverage-- but then again so did that goofy hillbilly with the easy last name who smacked her kid around in the parking lot of a WalMart or KMart or wherever it was. You know, I guarantee that that Toogood kid, should she survive adolescence, will not grow up to dye her hair blue and pester the police while protesting vaguely the concept of demonstration. No, she will be just like the rest of us: doped-up, contained, unquestioning, violent, and an unwitting Republican. Annie, I got yer gun right here.
Flame-haired doves & lily-necked anarchists descended upon the Capital this weekend past to protest... well, they weren't exactly sure what they were protesting either. But God bless 'em, they took their faceful of pepper spray and batons to rally around the cause of... um... uh... to free the eagles? Yes, free the Philadelphia Eagles! Donovan McNabb should be playing basketball, not football. Nononono! They were protesting the war on... drugs? Not very likely. Everyone knows that 10 per cent of every drug purchase goes to the terrorists. If we blindly buy drugs from every Tom, Dick or Spanky on the street corners of America we may very well be funding terrorist activities. We'd rather spend that money on cheap ExxonMobil BPAmoco GasCityJewelOsco gas, the proceeds of which slush the coffers of our buds in such OPEC subscribers as Saudi Arabia. Wait, weren't most of the 9-11 terrorists Saudi nationals?-- Blurp. Didn't hear that from me.-- No, America's finest college-age (honky) youth were protesting against the proposed invasion of Iraq... they weren't? Huh. That's odd. So what were they doing there? They received quite a bit of news coverage-- but then again so did that goofy hillbilly with the easy last name who smacked her kid around in the parking lot of a WalMart or KMart or wherever it was. You know, I guarantee that that Toogood kid, should she survive adolescence, will not grow up to dye her hair blue and pester the police while protesting vaguely the concept of demonstration. No, she will be just like the rest of us: doped-up, contained, unquestioning, violent, and an unwitting Republican. Annie, I got yer gun right here.
by at 6:15 PM
Great thanks to all who came out to the show last night at the Double Door. Hope you had as much fun as we did. It was an unusual but nonetheless interesting bill that hopefully didn't test yer muster. Keelhaul was mighty tough, Chicago Sound was mighty entertaining. Thanks again to the Double Door for allowing us to play. Fantastic sound, super room, good vibes.
Now for a complete tangent. Due to overwhelming usage by our cultural avatars in the advertising, marketing & entertainment biz, please refrain from uttering the following words in my presence or risk being subjected to a Trafficant (aka kicked in the crotch): "rock" (as in, "Dude, that rocks" or "Dude, these pancakes rock"); "sweet"; "awesome"; "Avril Lavigne." Thank you for your cooperation. If you feel compelled to appropriate one of these typically fine words in yer daily lexicon, please firebomb a roadside billboard that however mildly offends you instead.
Jesus loves you. God speed and good night, my friends.
Now for a complete tangent. Due to overwhelming usage by our cultural avatars in the advertising, marketing & entertainment biz, please refrain from uttering the following words in my presence or risk being subjected to a Trafficant (aka kicked in the crotch): "rock" (as in, "Dude, that rocks" or "Dude, these pancakes rock"); "sweet"; "awesome"; "Avril Lavigne." Thank you for your cooperation. If you feel compelled to appropriate one of these typically fine words in yer daily lexicon, please firebomb a roadside billboard that however mildly offends you instead.
Jesus loves you. God speed and good night, my friends.
by at 11:46 AM
Just a quickie to remind you that we're playing tonight at the Double Door. We go on first at 9PM sharp, so come early and have you game firmly strapped on or be crucified. No, really, we remembered to bring the 10' cross this time. Hope to see y'all there.
by at 4:29 PM
Hand me the Dramamine, Mildred, and dial our stockbroker!
The stock market took another savage beating today, falling below the 8,000 mark again. From a psychological perspective alone this is an ominous portent, but today's continued negative earnings reports, along with declines in housing figures and an impending collapse of the international banking system are likely to exacerbate the situation.
Recovery, my ass! It's looking like tomorrow might very well turn out to be Black Friday.
The War on Terruh is the only arrow in this corrupt, feckless administration's quiver, and they know it. Why else would they be clamoring for Hussein's head 24/7 while completely ignoring the domestic scene? (And if it's so damn important that we take out Saddam RIGHT NOW, then why did President Stupid go on vacation for a whole mother-grabbing month?????)
It's the perfect diversion from a nagging suspicion that Bush and Co. DON'T CARE ABOUT US and want to BEND US OVER A COFFEE TABLE. Bush's constant tin-drumming is shaking up international markets and destabilizing investor confidence. It may come as a complete surprise to Dubya but the US economy is heavily dependent on foreign capital for its growth--the economy can't sustain itself on the empty calories of low interest mortgages and auto loans for perpetuity. Alien GreenSpam's monetary policy won't help matters, either. If the Japanese banks falter, it will set off a chain reaction around the world--in short, we're screwed!
And Bush had better not try to trot out that tired old Republican nag that proclaims "War is Good for the Economy"--WWII was the only time in US history when that happened, mostly because taxes were high (the marginal rate for taxes on the wealthy was a whopping 90%) and unemployment was almost eradicated by federal work programs. Somehow I can't see Bush and Paul O'Neill doing anything like this. The Civil War, WWI, Vietnam, and Desert Storm all resulted in economic depressions.
War--what is it good for? Depression--which is nothing more than an upward distribution of income. Ever wonder why Republicans love deficit spending and military campaigns? They get to pillage the federal treasury to finance their little adventures, and issue bonds to cover the shortfall. Guess who buys those bonds? The wealthy. Since there's no real business investment or growth going on, lower and middle class workers lose their jobs.
And guess who ends up fighting the war? Oh, I ain't sayin'--I don't want to give away the wonderful NOVEMBER SURPRISE Bush has in store for us...
And to top off an already feculent day, Bush gets compared to Hitler...by the Germans. Way to go, doofus!
The stock market took another savage beating today, falling below the 8,000 mark again. From a psychological perspective alone this is an ominous portent, but today's continued negative earnings reports, along with declines in housing figures and an impending collapse of the international banking system are likely to exacerbate the situation.
Recovery, my ass! It's looking like tomorrow might very well turn out to be Black Friday.
The War on Terruh is the only arrow in this corrupt, feckless administration's quiver, and they know it. Why else would they be clamoring for Hussein's head 24/7 while completely ignoring the domestic scene? (And if it's so damn important that we take out Saddam RIGHT NOW, then why did President Stupid go on vacation for a whole mother-grabbing month?????)
It's the perfect diversion from a nagging suspicion that Bush and Co. DON'T CARE ABOUT US and want to BEND US OVER A COFFEE TABLE. Bush's constant tin-drumming is shaking up international markets and destabilizing investor confidence. It may come as a complete surprise to Dubya but the US economy is heavily dependent on foreign capital for its growth--the economy can't sustain itself on the empty calories of low interest mortgages and auto loans for perpetuity. Alien GreenSpam's monetary policy won't help matters, either. If the Japanese banks falter, it will set off a chain reaction around the world--in short, we're screwed!
And Bush had better not try to trot out that tired old Republican nag that proclaims "War is Good for the Economy"--WWII was the only time in US history when that happened, mostly because taxes were high (the marginal rate for taxes on the wealthy was a whopping 90%) and unemployment was almost eradicated by federal work programs. Somehow I can't see Bush and Paul O'Neill doing anything like this. The Civil War, WWI, Vietnam, and Desert Storm all resulted in economic depressions.
War--what is it good for? Depression--which is nothing more than an upward distribution of income. Ever wonder why Republicans love deficit spending and military campaigns? They get to pillage the federal treasury to finance their little adventures, and issue bonds to cover the shortfall. Guess who buys those bonds? The wealthy. Since there's no real business investment or growth going on, lower and middle class workers lose their jobs.
And guess who ends up fighting the war? Oh, I ain't sayin'--I don't want to give away the wonderful NOVEMBER SURPRISE Bush has in store for us...
And to top off an already feculent day, Bush gets compared to Hitler...by the Germans. Way to go, doofus!
by at 4:40 PM
After listening to our esteemed President stammer for close to an hour at the U.N. General Assembly this fair solemn morning, I couldn't help but wonder what type of head was on the Iraq drum he was beating the jiminy-crickets out of. I mean, it took a hella pounding--one worthy of a heartily-drunken John Bonham-- and yet it never broke, let alone displayed signs of overzealous wear & tear. I understand he was trying to make a case for invasion but he harped on Iraq so vehemently that he made it seem as though there isn't much else going on in the world. Surface-to-air missiles dot the Washington DC landscape. Over 50 law enforcement officers were killed by Maoist rebels in Nepal. Tried & true Zimbabwe dictator Robert Mugabe is slowly starving his people to death just so he can hold onto power for another 20 years. Kashmir government officials are being assassinated left & right by anti-India zealots. Russian government officials are being assassinated by the mob. The Rolling Stones are charging over $60 a show. Tom Green still has a career. By standing up there & banging the Iraqi war drum for as long as he did without providing credible incontrovertible evidence that Iraq is up to some serious no-good, Dubya showed his true colors. Scared of handling properly issues of domestic import, Dubya risks showing once & for all that he has been managing the worst domestic policy program since Richard Nixon. Just like his Dad, Dubya is infinitely & uncreatively more concerned with foreign policy (ok, so was the godfather of foreign policy Harry S. Truman but at least ol' Harry had some legitimate global concerns to attend to immediately following WWII). By any means necessary, including violence, and in a terribly myopic & ethnocentric fashion, Bushie yearns to spread the gospel of American-styled democracy & capitalism across the globe, regardless the opposition. Behold the New Crusade, at long last being openly trumpeted by the troubadours of modern commerce, who just so happen to be our "elected" leaders. That's right, the open pursuit of a one-world order though the U.S. won't be the governor. If we invade Iraq, which at this point is inevitable b/c the American public has yet to really raise a fuss, Iran will soon follow. Then North Korea, and ultimately an invasion of mainland China when they refuse to support our chest-thumping global military brouhaha & place first retaliatory tarrifs & then economic sanctions against U.S. goods, the spark being another fictional Gulf of Tonkin attack off the shores of Hong Kong. 21st century Domino Theory in pursuit of those rascally terrorists. Am I paranoid? With Bush in office, I have every right to be. This idiot is going to be the end of all of us if he's not careful.
by at 1:44 PM
a rolling stone may grow no moss, but he can turn into a geriatric rock star.
yeah, i saw the stones last night, for free. and thank god! i had fun at the show, but if i paid the $170 (BEFORE ticketmonster's fees) i would have been really pissed off.
we all know what the stones have done for rock'n'roll and no one can take that away from them. but if they're going to put on a mediocre show like that, and charge ridiculous prices to go, then i say, "fuck you guys in the face."
that was the first time i'd ever seen the stones, but i thought they were pretty sloppy, especially when you consider they've been playing together for 40 years. they totally missed a few transistions (unlike me. i NEVER miss any), and no doubt, keef simply wasn't paying attention to what was going on up there at some points.
they dug out a few tunes we hadn't heard in a long time, like "stray cat blues," but nothing really cool like "she's a rainbow" or "emotional rescue." some of the old numbers sounded really tired. "satisfaction" comes to mind. "can you hear me knockin'" was defintely the high point of the night. but "mannish boy" on the small stage in the crowd was good, too.
the crowd was also really weird. not surprising, there were a lot of old people there. some probabaly hadn't been to a rock show in 20 years. but i really think it had more to do with ticket prices than who was playing. i mean how many 17-year-olds can afford, or want to spend $60 (the lowest price) for a ticket? to any show?
i mean, i spent $10 to see clutch. i can't remember how much queens of the stone age was, but both bands just smoked tune after tune after tune. the stones didn't smoke anything last night.
like i said it was fun, but seriously, those crusty old farts should be ashamed of themselves.
yeah, i saw the stones last night, for free. and thank god! i had fun at the show, but if i paid the $170 (BEFORE ticketmonster's fees) i would have been really pissed off.
we all know what the stones have done for rock'n'roll and no one can take that away from them. but if they're going to put on a mediocre show like that, and charge ridiculous prices to go, then i say, "fuck you guys in the face."
that was the first time i'd ever seen the stones, but i thought they were pretty sloppy, especially when you consider they've been playing together for 40 years. they totally missed a few transistions (unlike me. i NEVER miss any), and no doubt, keef simply wasn't paying attention to what was going on up there at some points.
they dug out a few tunes we hadn't heard in a long time, like "stray cat blues," but nothing really cool like "she's a rainbow" or "emotional rescue." some of the old numbers sounded really tired. "satisfaction" comes to mind. "can you hear me knockin'" was defintely the high point of the night. but "mannish boy" on the small stage in the crowd was good, too.
the crowd was also really weird. not surprising, there were a lot of old people there. some probabaly hadn't been to a rock show in 20 years. but i really think it had more to do with ticket prices than who was playing. i mean how many 17-year-olds can afford, or want to spend $60 (the lowest price) for a ticket? to any show?
i mean, i spent $10 to see clutch. i can't remember how much queens of the stone age was, but both bands just smoked tune after tune after tune. the stones didn't smoke anything last night.
like i said it was fun, but seriously, those crusty old farts should be ashamed of themselves.
by at 5:06 PM
Stiffing the World
"And so I'm going to call upon the world to recognize that he is stiffing the world." - G.W. Bush
I'm continually amazed at Dubya's introduction of new terms into the world vocabulary, such as "stiffing" and "crawfished." Republicans call it "colorful." I call it "grit-speak," and I'm embarrased as hell. Do they speak that way up in Connecticut? Or perhaps he's been drinking again. I wonder how the term "stiffing" was translated by the Iraqi delegates? Is there an Iraqi word for fucking someone over?
Since Bush has been known to repeat the same speeches seven or eight times before they're retired, I'm going to suggest some additional "colorful" terms for him to spice up this speech. Mr. "President" , if you're reading this, feel free to use any of these, (especially during your speech to the U.N. General Assembly on Thursday: Any of these will assure cooperation with a broad-based coalition. God, I'm so embarrased.)
Cornholing the world
Buggering the world
"Eight inches of black dong"ing the world
Ham-slamming the world
Toilet-raping the world
Steer-fucking the world
Giving a "Dirty Sanchez" to the world
Feel free to add your own below. The Cartel needs our help!
"And so I'm going to call upon the world to recognize that he is stiffing the world." - G.W. Bush
I'm continually amazed at Dubya's introduction of new terms into the world vocabulary, such as "stiffing" and "crawfished." Republicans call it "colorful." I call it "grit-speak," and I'm embarrased as hell. Do they speak that way up in Connecticut? Or perhaps he's been drinking again. I wonder how the term "stiffing" was translated by the Iraqi delegates? Is there an Iraqi word for fucking someone over?
Since Bush has been known to repeat the same speeches seven or eight times before they're retired, I'm going to suggest some additional "colorful" terms for him to spice up this speech. Mr. "President" , if you're reading this, feel free to use any of these, (especially during your speech to the U.N. General Assembly on Thursday: Any of these will assure cooperation with a broad-based coalition. God, I'm so embarrased.)
Cornholing the world
Buggering the world
"Eight inches of black dong"ing the world
Ham-slamming the world
Toilet-raping the world
Steer-fucking the world
Giving a "Dirty Sanchez" to the world
Feel free to add your own below. The Cartel needs our help!
by at 2:12 PM
sometimes, the t.v. should be turned off. i figured this out while watching 60 minutesII last nite (i was NOT going to watch that american idol tripe).
so they have this story about the ford econoline e350 15-passenger van. basically, they said it is the most dangerous vehile on the road. well, it just so happens the knife of simpson uses the ford e350 15-passenger van as its mode of transportation from gig to gig.
i personally love it. great van! too bad it has a tendency to roll over when swerving out of trouble. many people have been killed in that thing.
one dude says an exeprienced driver on a test track could not keep the thing on its wheels when swerving from one lane, to another, then back again. if an experienced driver can't do it, how is a rock'n'roller, like me, going to do it with 15 beers in him, high on pcp while getting blow job going to do it? he's a dead man!
from now on, if anythng suddenly gets in the way, we're slamming through it. no swerving here!
so they have this story about the ford econoline e350 15-passenger van. basically, they said it is the most dangerous vehile on the road. well, it just so happens the knife of simpson uses the ford e350 15-passenger van as its mode of transportation from gig to gig.
i personally love it. great van! too bad it has a tendency to roll over when swerving out of trouble. many people have been killed in that thing.
one dude says an exeprienced driver on a test track could not keep the thing on its wheels when swerving from one lane, to another, then back again. if an experienced driver can't do it, how is a rock'n'roller, like me, going to do it with 15 beers in him, high on pcp while getting blow job going to do it? he's a dead man!
from now on, if anythng suddenly gets in the way, we're slamming through it. no swerving here!
by at 5:44 PM
Hey, I'm back. Here's what is happening with the band right now: We've booked a show opening for the punishing Keelhaul at the D.D. on Tuesday, September 24th. It should be a blast, we hope to see everyone there.
We've also decided to get out a record, a longish E.P., that we can sell at shows and use to further our conquest. As of right now, it will contain three new songs we have in the can, plus some select hits (or all of them) from our home-burned '1776 Single.' All we need to do now is to master the remaining songs and figure out the logistics of a release. Also, it's going to need a title. The only ones we've come up with are "Low Blows," "Leather Kryyst Superczar" and "Deep Cuts." (To go with the OJ theme, get it? And also, I don't think I'll use Leather Kryyst Superczar, because we might provoke Superchrist with that title, as it may be construed as being too close to their band name, and they just might trudge 20 miles across the frozen forest to murder us and make necklaces out of our bones.) Anybody else have a title? This is a socialist band collective, after all, and we'd hate to exclude anyone's ideas.
We've also decided to get out a record, a longish E.P., that we can sell at shows and use to further our conquest. As of right now, it will contain three new songs we have in the can, plus some select hits (or all of them) from our home-burned '1776 Single.' All we need to do now is to master the remaining songs and figure out the logistics of a release. Also, it's going to need a title. The only ones we've come up with are "Low Blows," "Leather Kryyst Superczar" and "Deep Cuts." (To go with the OJ theme, get it? And also, I don't think I'll use Leather Kryyst Superczar, because we might provoke Superchrist with that title, as it may be construed as being too close to their band name, and they just might trudge 20 miles across the frozen forest to murder us and make necklaces out of our bones.) Anybody else have a title? This is a socialist band collective, after all, and we'd hate to exclude anyone's ideas.
by at 4:00 PM
Whew. Busy. Lots to mention here. Finally quit the job. SO I'll be hunting for a while. Anyone got any brilliant leads for me?
So, we averted the baseball strike, eh? Damn. I kind of wanted it to die out, or at the very least get their shit together. But you know, this strike is only going to happen again under the current status quo. However, go to Palmer Haas' site for a brilliant, permanent solution to all of baseball's woes. I like the way this dude thinks. Crisis calls for extreme measures, and this would do the trick.
More later. Maybe.
So, we averted the baseball strike, eh? Damn. I kind of wanted it to die out, or at the very least get their shit together. But you know, this strike is only going to happen again under the current status quo. However, go to Palmer Haas' site for a brilliant, permanent solution to all of baseball's woes. I like the way this dude thinks. Crisis calls for extreme measures, and this would do the trick.
More later. Maybe.
by at 11:14 AM
Hooray! Hooray hooray! Hooray hooray hooray! Rolling Stone magazine has decreed that Rock is now officially in vogue, what with the timid-as-a-scalded-dog Axl Rose introducing Guns 'n Roses version 11.5 (you know you're in the gutter-trough when your guitarist is Buckethead) at the MTV Music Dividend Rewards Show and radio rugrats are eagerly plunking their parent-donated Andrew Jacksons for shiny new ProTools performance-perfected slabs from our saviors the Hives, the Vines, the White Stripes, the Hootenannys and the Not-Whiny Crumbgrabbers. Hey, I'm all for shelving Nu-Metal and ultimately nailing the coffin shut with Tommy Lee's stiff biskit but I think we had best pow-wow on what should supplant it. The primary meeting shall commence on Wednesday next week at the headquarters of Clear Channel Communications, with subsequent legal meetings at CBS/MTV/VH1 offices in New York and Los Angeles. Please be prompt and bring ample supplies of Molotov Cocktails and newly minted dogturds for the catapults, which will be supplied free of charge by KOS and their brethren. Airborne Special Forces B.o.t.D shall airdrop at 0900 hours with necessary uppers, downers, krell & fist-bangin' mania. Special musical performance by a hungry 900 lb gorilla.
by at 7:22 PM