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UPCOMING SHOWS:

Stay tuned for more Knife of Simpson shows in the Chicago area...

 

Tuesday, July 30, 2002
BY the way, thank you to everyone who came out on Friday night for the show, especially the boys at Combo #3 central, for allowing us to play someplace new. Also thanks to the Bible of the Devil boys for removing shirts in a tremendous display of rock solidarity. Other highlights of solidarity for the week included seeing Behold! The Living Corpse, Rwake, and Buried at Sea. (By the way, anybody want to drum for a band called Superchrist? I'm not sure, but they might need one. Hint: They dig Venom and Motorhead!)

Not much time before I have to split, but I can't help but laugh at Bush leading the way for corporate reform. That's like Michael Jackson demanding stricter sodomy laws!

by Jeff Gannon at 3:31 PM

Friday, July 26, 2002
I knew that son of a bitch Entwistle stole my eight-ball that night. He even looked me straight in the eye and denied it!
Hey! Who the hell are you?!? How did you get in here!?!? Get that camera outta my face you prick!

by Reefer at 9:10 AM

So, john entwistle did die of a coke stroke. We really hate to say we told you so.But we did!

by Jeff Gannon at 9:05 AM

Thursday, July 25, 2002
"the market's up 400 points today," a friend of mine said to me yesterday.

"well, i guess the president must have kept his mouth shut all day," i replied.

isn't it funny how the market drops like a stone when w. opens his trap? it slays me, it really does. want to know why it happens? here's what i think.

investors know the president doesn't know poopdick about the economy., it is clearly, the weakest aspect of this administration. as much as i don't agree with the administration, they have a lot of shrewd, trecherous people who know how to get things in done in all cabinet level areas, except the economy. i mean really, paul o'neill as secretary of the treasury? what a lightweight.

the closest thing this administration has to an economic policy is cutting taxes. while w cuts taxes, he expands the government at an extraordinary rate. one that makes democrats even cringe. (someone should tell the president it's not as easy to cook the government's books as it is to cook harken energy's.)

plus investors understand the administration has MANY former ceo's and other executives from corporate america. the very same people who helped put the market in the shambles that's in. so that doesn't help the president either. the administration boasts about running the white house like a corporation instead of graduate college class like his predecessor.

why did the market go up yesterday? i think parading the rigases in front of the media in handcuffs helped. a lot. plus there are some good buys in the market, and i'm sure there are investors smart enough to know which ones they are.

ahhh... the market. praise allah i have no money in there. i don't trust those swindling brokers with my money. i think i'll just keep it under my mattress.

by Rusty at 6:06 PM

Tuesday, July 23, 2002
I see my good buddy Robert Downey Jr. got away scott free. He even got his probation revoked so he's free as a bird. I missed him dude. It's too bad he got caught. He's too trusting. I'll never get caught doing nothin 'cause I'm smart. I take film out of cameras, I send henchman to your house. I don't party with just anybody, it's only an A-list crowd for me. Looks like it's time to let the good times roll once again!

by Reefer at 3:45 PM

Monday, July 22, 2002
You people summoned me from the feedlot for this tripe? Shee-it, I got an even mind to speed-dial John Ashcroft and Charleton Heston just fer this. Well, since I already agreed to join I guess I'll hang around. But I got one good eye on you liberal pig-fuckers, so don't do nothin' funny that yer Momma wouldn't appreciate.

by Dusty at 6:16 PM

Having a conversation with a random zenophobic coworker this morning (who is afraid her Arab neighbors are going to "Gnaw off her legs," by the way,) I've realized how the terrorists truly are winning. Her prime concern is terrorism, not the economy, the safety of our streets, or her civil liberties. (Personally, I'm worried about the economy, as my chances of getting mugged in desperate times are way higher than getting blown up by a dirty bomber. My opinion, naturally.) How do these thoughts take root?

Here's an interesting item I took from thestreet.com, from a column called The 5 Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week. Here's a little blurb that could be part of the reason why so many in this country seem to be so poorly informed.

Speaking of WorldCom, we were shocked to read an article this week indicating that al Qaeda operatives had infiltrated the telco and other U.S. corporate titans in a conspiracy to undermine the U.S. economy.

Yes, in a July 2 dispatch out of Washington, FoxNews.com highlights an "unexpected twist" in the WorldCom saga: a United Press International report, citing emails decoded by the National Security Agency, that al Qaeda claimed its "Operation WorldCon" had demolished WorldCom and "had seriously crippled the entire American military machine that is heavily dependent on the telecom giant."

Furthermore, reported FoxNews.com, UPI was saying that al Qaeda "sleeper cells" had managed to wreak havoc via financial scandals at other recent corporate casualties, including Enron, Arthur Andersen, Global Crossing , Xerox and ImClone.

Wow, we thought. Someone deserves a Pulitzer for this one. So we tracked down the original UPI wire service report to see who the lucky recipient would be.

Well, in the words of President Bush, all we can tell you is that in the newsgathering world, sometimes things aren't exactly black and white. It turns out that the UPI article was actually a commentary by editor-at-large Arnaud de Borchgrave, one that later ran in The Washington Times.

After de Borchgrave tells his fantastical story -- one that also alleges al Qaeda infiltration of Adelphia Communications, Qwest and Dynegy -- he confesses that this scenario is "a flight of fancy."

In other words, it appears that someone at Fox News didn't realize that de Borchgrave's scoop was a joke. Didn't read all the way through the UPI bulletin. Didn't figure out how de Borchgrave was making some point about corporate executives being as destructive as violent terrorists. Didn't stop to wonder out why al Qaeda members in the Tora Bora caves would care about Adelphia, or why they ever would have heard of it.

We couldn't reach Fox News in time for comment. Nor WorldCom. Nor al Qaeda.

George Mannes

by Jeff Gannon at 12:17 PM

And now, John AssChrist's USA Patriot of the Week:

A Virginia man armed with an AR-15 shoots at a helicopter he believes is carrying terrorists!!!

I wonder if the NRA will post bond for this guy. Seriously, using the chicken-fried logic of gun nuts, he was just exercising his second amendment rights; we're looking at a misdemeanor here. Besides, he can use the 9-11 defense for his actions as well as any DC politico can. Sign this man up for TIPS, Herr Kommandant!

(On a more serious note, maybe somebody should have reminded him that you're only supposed to shoot at the unmarked black helicopters.)

BTW, glad to hear tha BoD made it back safely from the right coast--the rock terr-ists inside El Electrico probably would have been intercepted by the VA National Guard...or John Chwaszczewski.

by Norman Conquest at 12:13 PM

Thursday, July 18, 2002
Shiit, I almost forgot to add somebody else who posted in the comments section. Rick is an old friend who reads here, let's see if he wants aboard.

Another thing: WHO IN THE WIDE WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS IS THIS ANN COULTER CHICK? I got up the other morning and she's on the tube. Honestly, how can anyone but a rich soccer mom who is in desperate need of a good bang wholeheartedly endorse the Republican party line with such a straight face? I've never seen someone claiming to be a political commentator have so few facts on hand when dishing out BS. Come on, a woman who criticizes the women's suffrage movement? Who defends Jerry Faldwell's comments that 9/11 was brought about by homosexuality? Who claims that totally fishy corporate/ administration buggery such as Enron is (to paraphrase the interview) "such a non-issue brought up by the liberal media..." (Try telling that to someone who lost their retirement fund.)

That's right, people are buying her books and allowing her on their talk shows. They're taking this uptight trixie seriously. Somebody's got to do something, this is serious. And since no one has yet, I guess for the good of the country, I'm going to have to step up and give her what she needs.

Ann, I hope you're reading this. If you're finally looking for satisfaction, I'm your man. Ol' Savage will take care of you. You will never know pleasure like you're about to receive from me. I'll bet you've never reached a sexual climax, have you? I bet you're a real dirty birdy, aintcha? I know the kind of man you've been with in the past. They're selfish. They're only out to get their own rocks off. They're minute men. They don't care about your needs, do they? They don't know how to please a woman. Let me tell you, I'll have your legs shaking for days. I'm a wild man. Freak nasty, baby, freak nasty. After our romantic candle-light dinner we'll check into the nicest hotel in town (or at least a Motel 6), light some candles. I will cover the bed in rose petals, baby. I'll throw some R. Kelly on the stereo. I will sensuously caress your body until you cannot help but explode into a sexual frenzy. I will love you for hours, days on end. I promise you, I will not stop until you are satisfied. I won't tell a soul. You will be a whole new woman.

Do you see the lengths I'm willing to go through for the good of the nation? I hope you appreciate it.

by Jeff Gannon at 4:50 PM

happy birthday wishes go out to hunter s. thompson today. i had no idea he was a cancer!

what i haven't figured out is his age. i've read today that he is anywhere from 65 to 73. quite a disparity. i guess it really doesn't matter much. it's truly amazing that he's still alive either way!

if any of our loyal readers know for sure, please tell us in the comments box.

i wonder how someone gets invited to that birthday bash? i wonder if i would really want to be invited to that birthday bash. i'll bet it's 10 times nuttier than ace freehley's.

anyway, happy birthday hunter. a true inspiration for anyone who give a half a damn about jounalism, which is truly lacking in amerika today (which i'm sure bush & company are enjoying.)

by Rusty at 4:15 PM

Who told you my email address? What the hell is going on here? What's this blogger thing? Rusty, did you do it? You didn't tell those guys where I lived, did you? You better not have sold my info to the tabloids or I'm gonna be mad. I hope nobody sees this.

by Reefer at 10:59 AM

Wednesday, July 17, 2002
And just when you thought USA PATRIOT was the harbinger of a totalitarian Amerikkka--

Along comes John AssChrist's master plan for a KGB security state!

TIPS for COINTELPRO

The Citizen Korps would recruit up to 25% of the American public to spy on their fellow citizens and report "suspicious activities." If this boneheaded plan goes through, the US will have a higher percentage of citizen informants than under communist East Germany's Stasi secret police.

See, it's already happening!

Given AssChrist's affinity for the Second Amendment, don't be surprised if the TIPS program becomes a fully deputized paramilitary corps. And why not? They've been used by our friends in right-wing Latin American dictatorships (Chile, Colombia) to subdue internal dissent for decades. Don't think for a second they won't try it here!

At state and local levels the program will be coordinated by the Federal Emergency Management Agency, which General Busharraf wants to place under the aegis of his Vaterland Sekurity program, along with the National Guard (whatever happened to "States' Rights"?). Yes, friends, in no time the Posse Comitatus act will be as significant as an Indian treaty, and we will have federal troops patrolling our streets. Fear and paranoia will rule our lives to an extent we never knew possible.

All Americans, as per Ari Fleischer's chilling admonition last year, will have to watch what they do, and watch what they say.

"Innocent until proven guilty" will be replaced with "If you've done nothing wrong, you have nothing to fear."

I don't think Busharraf is worrying about the 2004 elections, because he clearly isn't planning on HAVING ANY. Expect heavy terror alerts on and before election day 2002--possibly an invasion of Iraq. Afterwards, your onerous obligations to an American democracy will be obviated. At least you'll never have to bother with the inconvenience of voting again, or bitch about the hassle of jury duty--all your decisions will be made for you, by the Bush Crime Family.

CONSUME! REPRODUCE! DIE!

See you in Room 101.

by Norman Conquest at 11:22 AM

Tuesday, July 16, 2002
By the way, Boulder is easily one of the best live bands going today. That having been said, it sure is hard to get done with a massive, earplug-oxidizing show like Sundays, and have to come in to work and be so busy you can't even write about it on yer own flippin' site until a day afterward! Being that this seems to be the case for many of us here lately, I'm going to expand our little cast and invite a few more people to post on this site. Don't send any emails begging to be put on here, either, because I've already decided who's coming aboard. They're way more important people than you, anyway, and they've been waiting a long time to get involved!

by Jeff Gannon at 4:15 PM

big thanks to everyone who came to sunday's spectacle at the prodigal son. i know not everyone is overly excited about trekking up to lincoln park on a sunday night to see a rock'n'roll show, so our heartfelt thanks to all.

and of course, to Boulder for humiliating us (they always do). if you missed them, well, you really missed out. don't miss them next time! we just couldn't keep up with such a massive onslaught. but it was still a lot of fun!

and let's not forget the goodgoddamns. it was good to see you fellas again. let's do it again real soon!

so a big shout out to fine fine evening of Rock. don't miss the kos multi-media extravaganja at the viaduct on the 26th, with our buds the combo no. 3. that should be interesting.

peace, and keep on rockin!

by Rusty at 3:57 PM

Thursday, July 11, 2002
More photos...

Ever notice how frighteningly similar Defense Secretary Rumsfeld and Peter Sellers (as Dr. Strangelove) are? Geebus...



by Illyich at 3:49 PM

Wednesday, July 10, 2002
Photo caption contest UPDATE:


One, two, ooh OOOOH!


Just a little more foundation will hide those horns, Mr. President!

by Illyich at 10:00 AM

Tuesday, July 09, 2002
i was personally invited to the "walk down abbey road" beatles tribute saturday by 97.1 fm the drive. the show featured mark farner, jack bruce, cristopher cross and alan parsons singing beatles songs. the drive said i could have all the special export i could drink and panera bread sandwiches i could eat, so i figured, "what the hell?"

the show, in a nutshell, was abyssmal. they started off with a few beatles tunes, and then all the guys got to play their own songs. you bet i heard cris cross' "sailing" and "run like the wind." of course alan parsons played the bull's theme and "eye in the sky."

one thing though, mark farner has some serious pipes. his singing on "i'm your captain" made that cheesy piece of shit of a song close to tolerable. and his grand funked up version of "tax man" was pretty cool, i'll admit.

it all ended with jack bruce. i had no idea what a short, little nubbin of a man he is. and boy, what a hambone! he looked like a little leprechaun stomping across the stage, winking and smiling at the crowd.

and he went off on serious Wanking. he played "white room" (ironically) for at least 10 minutes, noodling away on his little bass. he refused to stop. at the end of it all, he raised his arms in a "v" like a true rock champion. looking at his midsection, it was clear little j.b's dick had completely exploded in his pants.

then there was the intermission, and then a whole set of beatle's songs while those worthless old farts sat on stools! pretty fuckin rock'n'roll, huh?

i wonder how many of these dudes ask themselves each winter, "i wonder which all-star band i should tour with this summer?", while they sip their wiskey from the back patio of their hollywood homes.

why can't they just go away and let the new generation of rock'n'rollers, like the knife of simpson, cast them into the retirement home where they belong!

by Rusty at 3:54 PM

Whoo! Hope everyone recovered from the 4th. It's been almost a week since we posted and I know for a fact that everyone is busy at their respective jobs. Also our email is going haywire with all of the junk mail we're getting, and I'm damned if I'm going to pay for Hotmail's 'increased storage' or whatever it is, if it's going to mean more freaking junk mail. We get around 30 messages a day. So as a result we didn't get to send out the reminder about tonight's show at Quenchers. We go on first, followed by Midget Whores and Bible. Come on down if you can, we've got a new song or two, and word is there's a big grande finale at the show's end that will knock your block off. Bible of the Devil and the Midget Whores are going on a brief tour barnstorm, and this is the kickoff date. For those out of town, stop over and see if they're coming to your town.

While we look into a new email situation at HQ and poop out all of the beef and beer we've injested, head on over to Smirking Chimp and read about how much hot water W.'s gotten himself into now! Is the day of reckoning at hand? Can W's daddy still save his corrupt candy ass? STAY TUNED!

by Jeff Gannon at 2:17 PM

Wednesday, July 03, 2002

USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

by Jeff Gannon at 12:21 PM

well, john entwistle is dead. i guess it just took a few days for it to sink in. the poor bastard. he did o.k. for himself. a lot better than i'll ever do, i suppose. i'm not that depressed about it, although it is a shame.

i'm not buying this heart failure crap though. i mean, c'mon- entwistle in vegas and he dies of a heart failure. try coke stroke instead, dudes. a dead 60s rock icon can get his test tubes, scales and 8ball cleaned out faster than an fbi raid on a charitable organization. and long before the coroner or fire department can show up.

that dude was freak. he wasn't wired like you and me.

oh, by the way, fuck pete and roger in the face for ripping off all those people who bought their $300 tickets a few weeks ago. clearly, they aren't gettin' what they paid for.

by Rusty at 10:32 AM

When you do drugs, you support terrorism. What happens if you buy them from US soldiers? Does that make it all right? Mr. Bennett, Mr. Cheney, can you help me with this one?

Maybe I'm being a bit naive here.

So...when we buy drugs, we're actually supporting the people who are protecting us from the terrorists we support when we buy drugs? Right?

Sorry, I'll try again after I get some coffee...my head hurts too much.

Happy 4th, everybody!

by Illyich at 10:29 AM

An interesting article before we start today regarding the recent military blunder of bombing an Afghan wedding. This is not the first time that our troops have bombed a wedding, it isn't even the second time. The article raises some interesting questions about how this operation is being conducted and the lack of military intellegence in the region. Not that I have a solution for any of this, mind you.

It's been a hectic week. Between head injuries and the Gay Pride Parade, it's been a brutal last 7 days. Rusty and I will post pictures of our adventures at some point in the future.

But in the meantime, have a happy 4th of July. This site may seem to have an anti-American slant at most times, but I can't stress this enough: Our democracy can only thrive when people are critical of those in charge. Don't believe those who tell you to keep your mouth shut in the name of freedom. Americans should be thankful for what they have, and have the sense enough to stop those who try to subvert our freedoms for their own selfish economic gain. Don't give up the fight.

by Jeff Gannon at 9:33 AM

Tuesday, July 02, 2002
Yeah. Bush is really going to stick it to WorldCom, Enron, and all the other corporate evildoers--especially since Dubya is guilty of a little bit of stock market fraud himself.

Long ago, Dubya realized he was a worthless, cocaine-besotted, bootlicking failure as a businessman. The only way to be successful (apart from Daddy's largesse) was to ditch his Harken stock before the company issued a negative earnings report: insider information he was privy to, as a director of the company. The SEC investigated and determined he broke the law, but...as the son of the president...no legal action was ever taken.

Think this will get even a fraction of the attention accorded Whitewater?

Shit like this makes me extremely unbalanced...

by Illyich at 3:39 PM