By the way, I'd like to thank the US Congress for dropping everything to sponsor an amendment to preserve the Pledge of Allegiance. Yes, the 9/11/Enron/WorldCom investigations can wait until we subdue this latest assault on American values.
Some reality for the good christian soldiers threatening to disembowel the godless commie lib'rul judges in the 9th circuit:
The author of the original Pledge was a socialist;
The pledge has been around since 1892;
The phrase "under god" was added by President Eisenhower in '54, during the height of the Red Scare;
One of those pinko judges was a Nixon appointee.
Way to hang tough on a non-issue, Democrats. Make sure you all sing "God Bless America" at the top of your lungs so everybody can hear you.
In the mean time, those liberal activist judges on the Supreme Court have ruled 5-4 in favor of tuition vouchers AND mandatory drug testing in public schools. You can bet former VP candidate Joe Lieberman will be in favor of both rulings.
It's getting harder to tell the two parties apart.
Some reality for the good christian soldiers threatening to disembowel the godless commie lib'rul judges in the 9th circuit:
The author of the original Pledge was a socialist;
The pledge has been around since 1892;
The phrase "under god" was added by President Eisenhower in '54, during the height of the Red Scare;
One of those pinko judges was a Nixon appointee.
Way to hang tough on a non-issue, Democrats. Make sure you all sing "God Bless America" at the top of your lungs so everybody can hear you.
In the mean time, those liberal activist judges on the Supreme Court have ruled 5-4 in favor of tuition vouchers AND mandatory drug testing in public schools. You can bet former VP candidate Joe Lieberman will be in favor of both rulings. It's getting harder to tell the two parties apart.
by at 2:07 PM
Here's something interesting: Bush is demanding an investigation into the collapse of WorldCom. That's super nice of him. But doesn't this prompt, swift call for justice from the prez beg the question of, WHY HAS THERE BEEN NO ENRON INVESTIGATION YET? Enron happened first. The press shouldn't be letting Bush pick and choose what gets investigated and what gets swept under the rug. Shame on you, American press. (And on a side note, this is a perfect example of why the logic of letting the marketplace determine rules and ethics is flawed. Without certain government imposed rules and consequences for misbehavior, someone will cheat and a lot of people will be hurt in the process. How many more examples do we need?)
The perception is that Bush has a popular presidency. But is that really true? I know that's what the media are telling us. With the economy clearly headed for the shitter and bin Laden about to release a new tape, I can't imagine he can still hold on to his seemingly tremendous popularity. We're talking about an administration with a firm grip over the media and how to control information, so you can never be too paranoid.
Of course, it's not like this is anything new. Governments have been manipulating the media since there was such a thing. For example, Winston Churchill's most famous speech. (You know, "...we shall fight in the hills....", the one at the start of that Iron Maiden song) He didn't even give that speech himself. He hired Norman Shelley, a Churchill impersonator, to give the speech over the radio, and no one was the wiser. Now it seems like things are being manipulated on a much grander scale.
The perception is that Bush has a popular presidency. But is that really true? I know that's what the media are telling us. With the economy clearly headed for the shitter and bin Laden about to release a new tape, I can't imagine he can still hold on to his seemingly tremendous popularity. We're talking about an administration with a firm grip over the media and how to control information, so you can never be too paranoid.
Of course, it's not like this is anything new. Governments have been manipulating the media since there was such a thing. For example, Winston Churchill's most famous speech. (You know, "...we shall fight in the hills....", the one at the start of that Iron Maiden song) He didn't even give that speech himself. He hired Norman Shelley, a Churchill impersonator, to give the speech over the radio, and no one was the wiser. Now it seems like things are being manipulated on a much grander scale.
by at 8:58 AM
I urge everyone to stop bugging that other band and messing up their guestbook. I don't know who is messing around over there, but please knock it off, they're not enjoying it. This 'drama over the internet' shit is like running in the special olympics: Someone might win, but it doesn't change the fact that both participants are retarded. Let's all go over to worldsex.com and get some free porn, and we'll all feel better. Ahhh....
There are more important things going on. SUCH AS WHAT? you might ask. Well, for starters, let's look at world events...
Israeli troops storm Palestinian HQ!
It's amazing how the world is still listening to GW Bush. Moments after he snaps his fingers and writes off Arafat as if he's some Iraqi leader in need of CIA assasination, the salivating Sharon is waiting to swoop in and do what he was elected to do. Over here in America, we've stopped listening to GW. Actually, it seems like we stopped giving a fuck about anything. But the rest of the world acts on his reckless speeches, and that's frightening. Does Bush actually think that Arafat is going to be ousted tomorrow, and that like magic, the terrorist activities will stop? Of course he doesn't. But he doesn't care, so long as he can push his ajenda through. I wish I had a secret bunker to hide in. War without end, amen.
There are more important things going on. SUCH AS WHAT? you might ask. Well, for starters, let's look at world events...
Israeli troops storm Palestinian HQ!
It's amazing how the world is still listening to GW Bush. Moments after he snaps his fingers and writes off Arafat as if he's some Iraqi leader in need of CIA assasination, the salivating Sharon is waiting to swoop in and do what he was elected to do. Over here in America, we've stopped listening to GW. Actually, it seems like we stopped giving a fuck about anything. But the rest of the world acts on his reckless speeches, and that's frightening. Does Bush actually think that Arafat is going to be ousted tomorrow, and that like magic, the terrorist activities will stop? Of course he doesn't. But he doesn't care, so long as he can push his ajenda through. I wish I had a secret bunker to hide in. War without end, amen.
by at 11:51 AM
Now we've gone and done it: We pissed some people off real bad. They've sent us threatening letters and they're going to stick us in the trunk or something like that.
This is stupid. Everyone has the right to their own opinions, but I sure don't want to get jumped in the parking lot because of something someone said on a blog. SO I removed the offensive comment.
This is stupid. Everyone has the right to their own opinions, but I sure don't want to get jumped in the parking lot because of something someone said on a blog. SO I removed the offensive comment.
by at 5:04 PM
Some very interesting comments on the message board. Welcome one and all. Where to begin...
For the uninitiated, we talk a lot of shit on this web site. We're jokesters & pranksters at heart with no genuine ill will to anyone or anything. What we promote is respect and love; what we abhor is the opposite. I sincerely apologize for that breach of etiquette. We're not "tough guys" and that's plainly obvious should you meet us in person. I hold myself personally and solely responsible for any injurious harm my comments may have caused to anyone, and apologize greatly. None of the comments I made earlier were designed to slag any other band on the bill. I concur that every band-- as diverse and talented as they were-- played hard and played well. For the record, we had any intention of getting "signed" to a record label at that show b/c the likelihood was nil for a multitude of reasons that I will not expound upon here. We as a band agreed some months ago to play the show for no other reason than to play. In the interim, we discovered that the club's management poor handling of their booking position, firing the current booker-- a good hard-working friend of ours-- in favor of someone who'd work for less money. I took that dastardly frustration to heart and acted out of line, though I believe my post was more braggadocious than the act ultimately was. Again, my actions & comments are mine and mine alone, and should not reflect upon the band whatsoever. I speak for myself and myself alone. I cannot express further my regret to you all.
All of the comments on the board are valid and true to heart and I appreciate everyone's sincerity. Therefore, to reflect that honesty, and to make amends with the people I have offended, I offer a resignation of my duties with the band Knife of Simpson, dependent upon the provision that those I have offended let bygones be bygones and harbor no ill will to the band, now or in the future. I have too much respect for the band and the band members to stymie their pursuit in any way, shape or form. This is also dependent upon the band's acceptance of the resignation.
Again, my apologies for raising the ire of many good people.
For the uninitiated, we talk a lot of shit on this web site. We're jokesters & pranksters at heart with no genuine ill will to anyone or anything. What we promote is respect and love; what we abhor is the opposite. I sincerely apologize for that breach of etiquette. We're not "tough guys" and that's plainly obvious should you meet us in person. I hold myself personally and solely responsible for any injurious harm my comments may have caused to anyone, and apologize greatly. None of the comments I made earlier were designed to slag any other band on the bill. I concur that every band-- as diverse and talented as they were-- played hard and played well. For the record, we had any intention of getting "signed" to a record label at that show b/c the likelihood was nil for a multitude of reasons that I will not expound upon here. We as a band agreed some months ago to play the show for no other reason than to play. In the interim, we discovered that the club's management poor handling of their booking position, firing the current booker-- a good hard-working friend of ours-- in favor of someone who'd work for less money. I took that dastardly frustration to heart and acted out of line, though I believe my post was more braggadocious than the act ultimately was. Again, my actions & comments are mine and mine alone, and should not reflect upon the band whatsoever. I speak for myself and myself alone. I cannot express further my regret to you all.
All of the comments on the board are valid and true to heart and I appreciate everyone's sincerity. Therefore, to reflect that honesty, and to make amends with the people I have offended, I offer a resignation of my duties with the band Knife of Simpson, dependent upon the provision that those I have offended let bygones be bygones and harbor no ill will to the band, now or in the future. I have too much respect for the band and the band members to stymie their pursuit in any way, shape or form. This is also dependent upon the band's acceptance of the resignation.
Again, my apologies for raising the ire of many good people.
by at 5:01 PM
Well, after a relaxing vacation outside of the filthy confines of Chicago (and away from the utter insanity of Puerto Rican day (week, really)) I'll be back tomorrow. An APB for band members: Lawless, do you still have that ape mask we used Halloween '98 for our Planet of the Apes costumes? We need to complete our "rape ape" concept for the Note. See if you can dig that up.
by at 11:50 AM
Back to the dirty bomber debate:
From the Sun-Times, it appears that Padilla was trying to build a nuclear bomb. Now, is this supposed to frighten the United States of America? A Chicago gang-banger who, thanks to Chicago Public Schools, likely has a third grade education AT BEST, decides he wants to download instructions to build his own nuclear bomb, and we're frightened of this guy? THIS is the criminal mastermind whom we're calling an "enemy combatant?"
Now I'm a pretty smart guy and all, but shit, last time I checked, building a nuclear bomb was kind of hard. Tthere's no way in hell I can put a nuclear bomb together. I can't even fix a toaster. And I'm educated.
Padilla just sounds like a fuckin' idiot to me. Picture it now: Padilla gets on a plane and goes into Pakistan to meet with Al-Qaida.
(Al Qaida Boss) "What brings you to our secret fortress, Brother Padilla?"
(Padilla) "Yo, mang, I want to help you destroy America. I'm going to build a bomb."
(AQB) "A bomb? Sounds interesting. What kind of bomb?"
(P) "A nuclear bomb, mang!"
Al Qaida boss stifles laughter.
(AQB) "And do you have any idea how to obtain this bomb?"
(P) "Sure mang, I got it off the internet. I'm gonna build it. It'll be easy."
Several Al-Qaida men are now openly laughing and muttering "stupid American watches too much MacGuyver" in arabic.
(AQB) "Well, hmmm... (snicker) I think you could best be of use to us back in America. Yes, that's the ticket. Fight on brave brother, or uh, something like that. Wait for instructions. In fact, never call here again. We'll call you."
(AQB to henchman) "Get this guy on a plane. Let them know he's coming. And get ready to move the camp. Stupid yank."
I think this answers the question of "Was this an exaggerated threat meant to save face under criticism?" with a resounding YES.
Note to those in charge: Leave this retarded nut alone and find Bin Laden like you said you would!
From the Sun-Times, it appears that Padilla was trying to build a nuclear bomb. Now, is this supposed to frighten the United States of America? A Chicago gang-banger who, thanks to Chicago Public Schools, likely has a third grade education AT BEST, decides he wants to download instructions to build his own nuclear bomb, and we're frightened of this guy? THIS is the criminal mastermind whom we're calling an "enemy combatant?"
Now I'm a pretty smart guy and all, but shit, last time I checked, building a nuclear bomb was kind of hard. Tthere's no way in hell I can put a nuclear bomb together. I can't even fix a toaster. And I'm educated.
Padilla just sounds like a fuckin' idiot to me. Picture it now: Padilla gets on a plane and goes into Pakistan to meet with Al-Qaida.
(Al Qaida Boss) "What brings you to our secret fortress, Brother Padilla?"
(Padilla) "Yo, mang, I want to help you destroy America. I'm going to build a bomb."
(AQB) "A bomb? Sounds interesting. What kind of bomb?"
(P) "A nuclear bomb, mang!"
Al Qaida boss stifles laughter.
(AQB) "And do you have any idea how to obtain this bomb?"
(P) "Sure mang, I got it off the internet. I'm gonna build it. It'll be easy."
Several Al-Qaida men are now openly laughing and muttering "stupid American watches too much MacGuyver" in arabic.
(AQB) "Well, hmmm... (snicker) I think you could best be of use to us back in America. Yes, that's the ticket. Fight on brave brother, or uh, something like that. Wait for instructions. In fact, never call here again. We'll call you."
(AQB to henchman) "Get this guy on a plane. Let them know he's coming. And get ready to move the camp. Stupid yank."
I think this answers the question of "Was this an exaggerated threat meant to save face under criticism?" with a resounding YES.
Note to those in charge: Leave this retarded nut alone and find Bin Laden like you said you would!
by at 2:42 PM
by at 10:43 AM
Happy Flag Day, everybody.
It's so much fun looking at the site stats. I've discovered that a good number of the people who visit here are germans searching for x-rated shots of Jessica Simpson. A simple Google search for "simpson fuck free" or "free_rectal_fucking" apparently will take you right in to the site! Now, that's progress! It's good to see that, with all of the information and resources out there, 98% of the world will still demand the free rectal fucking of Jessica Simpson.
by at 10:07 AM
three cheers for the justice department who proved to the whole world they are capable of capturing terrorists.
well, if this chicago-street-thug-turned-terrorist is so nasty and so dangerous, why don't they charge him as the "criminal" he allegedly is instead of an "enemy cobatant?"
i can only guess. probably because they don't have squat on this "dirty bomber." they just want to hold him until they dig up some dirt on him, or he squeals about what he knows.
is that any reason to strip an american citizen of his rights of due process? i say no.
my question to ashcroft justice is, since when did we start living in the soviet states of america?
well, if this chicago-street-thug-turned-terrorist is so nasty and so dangerous, why don't they charge him as the "criminal" he allegedly is instead of an "enemy cobatant?"
i can only guess. probably because they don't have squat on this "dirty bomber." they just want to hold him until they dig up some dirt on him, or he squeals about what he knows.
is that any reason to strip an american citizen of his rights of due process? i say no.
my question to ashcroft justice is, since when did we start living in the soviet states of america?
by at 3:37 PM
That's right pal, we've got nothing better to do than harass some poor kid on his cell phone. Now he took it off, significantly reducing his chances of getting laid using a computer.
For the record, Knife of Simpson is so busy rocking that they rarely call their parents. Or Palmer, for that matter.
In fact, the only thing I have time to do is remind our readership, such that it is, of the show tomorrow night at Quenchers. It should be a wizz-banger, with some new songs and maybe a few surprises. I don't know what the order is, but come early and come often.
For the record, Knife of Simpson is so busy rocking that they rarely call their parents. Or Palmer, for that matter.
In fact, the only thing I have time to do is remind our readership, such that it is, of the show tomorrow night at Quenchers. It should be a wizz-banger, with some new songs and maybe a few surprises. I don't know what the order is, but come early and come often.
by at 12:44 PM
i'm only going to savage's party if he has the tyson-lewis fight on.
i'm just joking, i'll be there.
but honestly, lennox lewis must be crazy to get in the ring with that animal. i guess he needs to beat tyson to secure his legacy as a great fighter. that's the only reason i can see why lewis would fight him.
clearly tyson needs to beat lewis in order to salvage his career. and he could do it. he seems to be focussed on the fight, and heavily medicated. i guess we'll just have to see.
that's why i'm so reluctant to put money on the fight. we don't know what kind of mood tyson will be in. but if he wants to fight, i say he knocks out lewis in the fourth.
the belmont is saturday, too. no way will war emblem take the triple crown.
if there is justice in the world, that saudi terrorist owner of his will not take home the crown. plus i'd love to see bob baffert's dick get knocked in the dirt.
here's your exacta: sunday break with perfect drift to show.
i'm just joking, i'll be there.
but honestly, lennox lewis must be crazy to get in the ring with that animal. i guess he needs to beat tyson to secure his legacy as a great fighter. that's the only reason i can see why lewis would fight him.
clearly tyson needs to beat lewis in order to salvage his career. and he could do it. he seems to be focussed on the fight, and heavily medicated. i guess we'll just have to see.
that's why i'm so reluctant to put money on the fight. we don't know what kind of mood tyson will be in. but if he wants to fight, i say he knocks out lewis in the fourth.
the belmont is saturday, too. no way will war emblem take the triple crown.
if there is justice in the world, that saudi terrorist owner of his will not take home the crown. plus i'd love to see bob baffert's dick get knocked in the dirt.
here's your exacta: sunday break with perfect drift to show.
by at 4:22 PM
More bad news...
Dee Dee Ramone was found dead Wednesday night from a drug overdose--probably heroin. God damn, I'm gonna need a drink...
Dee Dee Ramone was found dead Wednesday night from a drug overdose--probably heroin. God damn, I'm gonna need a drink...
by at 1:41 PM
Well, well, it looks like our Oaf of Office is going to make one of his rare appearances before the DC press corps tonight during prime-time.
I don't know about you, but Bush's press conferences make me wanna hurl--it's a TOTAL trainwreck every time he steps before a microphone. The stammering, the smirking, the incoherence, ack--they're tough to sit through.
If you're not going to the QOTSA show tonight and are stuck watching the tube, why not make a drinking game out of the press conference? The rules are simple:
Every time he smirks--DRINK!!
...uses hand gestures--DRINK!!
...bites lower lip--DRINK!!
...is obviously reading a TelePrompter--DRINK!!
...cracks a joke--DRINK!!
...pauses for more than a second in mid-sentence--DRINK!!
Whenever a reporter asks for a clarification--DRINK!!
...gets irritated with reporter's question--DRINK!!
Whenever he refers to "The 'Murican People..."--DRINK!!
And if there are any facial lesions--FINISH IT!!!
Feel free to add as many rules as you see fit. Just make sure your Cabinet was appointed by Hiram Walker, not George Walker.
I don't know about you, but Bush's press conferences make me wanna hurl--it's a TOTAL trainwreck every time he steps before a microphone. The stammering, the smirking, the incoherence, ack--they're tough to sit through.
If you're not going to the QOTSA show tonight and are stuck watching the tube, why not make a drinking game out of the press conference? The rules are simple:
Every time he smirks--DRINK!!
...uses hand gestures--DRINK!!
...bites lower lip--DRINK!!
...is obviously reading a TelePrompter--DRINK!!
...cracks a joke--DRINK!!
...pauses for more than a second in mid-sentence--DRINK!!
Whenever a reporter asks for a clarification--DRINK!!
...gets irritated with reporter's question--DRINK!!
Whenever he refers to "The 'Murican People..."--DRINK!!
And if there are any facial lesions--FINISH IT!!!
Feel free to add as many rules as you see fit. Just make sure your Cabinet was appointed by Hiram Walker, not George Walker.
by at 11:47 AM
OH, and if anyone puts Andrew W.K. over the stereo, I'm going to mouthrape you.
Love, Sav.
Love, Sav.
by at 4:05 PM
I put a counter on the site just to see how much business we do over here at KOS and to find out who's looking at us if I can. I stole it from our good buddy Fisther Ass. Oh, wait, that's Palmer Haas.
By the way (this goes out to you Palmer, and anyone else who's curious) I'm having a party this Saturday night. That's right, you heard correctly, the first proper blowout I've had in Chicago. So if anyone wants to stop by, drop me an email at the left over there and I'll get you the directions. I'm not going to post them as I've made enough enemies to kick my ass many times over. (If you want to kick my ass, you're just going to have to wait until the next Knife of Simpson show, you fuckin pussy.) There will be a keg, but you should bring more beer too because I can only afford one and my social group drinks more than any I've ever seen.
Oh, and if you frequently find yourself at the Liar's Club after 4am, don't show up either. You people are weird.
By the way (this goes out to you Palmer, and anyone else who's curious) I'm having a party this Saturday night. That's right, you heard correctly, the first proper blowout I've had in Chicago. So if anyone wants to stop by, drop me an email at the left over there and I'll get you the directions. I'm not going to post them as I've made enough enemies to kick my ass many times over. (If you want to kick my ass, you're just going to have to wait until the next Knife of Simpson show, you fuckin pussy.) There will be a keg, but you should bring more beer too because I can only afford one and my social group drinks more than any I've ever seen.
Oh, and if you frequently find yourself at the Liar's Club after 4am, don't show up either. You people are weird.
by at 3:53 PM
Dear President Bush:
You are a fucking idiot.
Your own administration's Environmental Protection Agency has just released a report warning that human activities are having significant effects on the environment--particularly the burning of fossil fuels that release carbon dioxide and other heat-trapping gases into the environment.
"I read the report put out by the bureaucracy," you said. Bullshit. I bet you didn't even look at the cover.
Let me spell it out for you: Global Warming is real. There is no longer any excuse for demur.
Your contempt and scorn for YOUR GOVERNMENT and THE AMERICAN PEOPLE bespeak the breed of feckless aristocrat you and your father have always been.
You won't be able to wage your class war forever.
Only when the last tree has died and
The last river has been poisoned and
The last fish has been caught,
Will we realise that
We cannot eat money. -- a Cree Indian
You are a fucking idiot.
Your own administration's Environmental Protection Agency has just released a report warning that human activities are having significant effects on the environment--particularly the burning of fossil fuels that release carbon dioxide and other heat-trapping gases into the environment.
"I read the report put out by the bureaucracy," you said. Bullshit. I bet you didn't even look at the cover.
Let me spell it out for you: Global Warming is real. There is no longer any excuse for demur.
Your contempt and scorn for YOUR GOVERNMENT and THE AMERICAN PEOPLE bespeak the breed of feckless aristocrat you and your father have always been.
You won't be able to wage your class war forever.
Only when the last tree has died and
The last river has been poisoned and
The last fish has been caught,
Will we realise that
We cannot eat money. -- a Cree Indian
by at 3:31 PM
It's been a long time since I've posted on this thing. Truth be told, I've felt like crap lately, and I've got no one to blame for it but myself. When you get to be a certain age, it's a lot harder to do whatever you want to do, eat and drink whatever you want to drink, stay up late every night, and still function like a normal person. I've had the same chest cold for 3 weeks now, and I'm really getting sick of it. So I'm going to start at the logical place: I need to quit smoking (again.) Anyone who sees me smoking in the next 3 months should immediately kick me in the nuts. It's for my own good.
Other than that, I've been thinking a lot about living in the city these days. The rash of unemployment that the US is experiencing lately hasn't quite come home to roost yet. I'm expecting crime of all sorts to rise; it seems to be happening to a lot of my friends who live in certain neighborhoods, and it's probably going to spread. Then we'll find out who wears the pants in this city.
As far as the band goes, hopefully we'll have some decent shows in the future and you can come see us play them. I think it would be fun.
I think I'll stop now, I'm not making any sense. SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!!!
Other than that, I've been thinking a lot about living in the city these days. The rash of unemployment that the US is experiencing lately hasn't quite come home to roost yet. I'm expecting crime of all sorts to rise; it seems to be happening to a lot of my friends who live in certain neighborhoods, and it's probably going to spread. Then we'll find out who wears the pants in this city.
As far as the band goes, hopefully we'll have some decent shows in the future and you can come see us play them. I think it would be fun.
I think I'll stop now, I'm not making any sense. SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!!!
by at 3:48 PM