Let the Boobies Hit the Floor...
Has anyone else noticed that Nu Metal has now infilitrated the Classic Rock stations? That's right, those same ponytailed yet balding AOR programmers that thought playing "Paranoid" once a week would make them cool have now given into the weary weanings of "Outside" and "Crawling". Now, this fact may make some people quite happy but I'm certainly not one of them. Granted, classic rock stations are far from perfect but where else besides home am I to occasionally hear some of the better gems from Zeppelin, AC/DC, Judas Priest, et al? Yeah, some may retort that it's sad that I still listen to those old songs and that I should get with it and listen to the new stuff. Well I do listen to the new stuff. Any of you kids hear of Astroqueen or Fireball Ministry or Nebula or Eyehategod? No?! And yet you accuse me of being behind the times?!
There is nothing good or worthwhile about Limp Bikzit or Linkin Park and their brethren. NOTHING. They can't even write a decent song. It's all about the "style" and the "angst". Every single nu metal band follows a simple aesthetic formula: short spiky hair like a Japornimation hero come to life (or cornrows for the longhairs), a litany of meaningless tattoos that would make a rockabilly revivalist jealous, skateboard shoes (though they never 'board), baggy earthcolored pants, and lousy factory gear with only a modicum of knowledge how to use it; a complete fear of melody (it'll only stand in the way of the rapping), chug-a-chug semantics, 10th grade poetry skills, a weak understanding of dynamics, and the almighty rush to get to the anthemic chorus without any ultimate payoff (witness Drowsing Pool's "Let the Boobies Hit the Floor", a song so imbecilic that they actually have to count off how many bars are left until the "big" chorus).
Help me, Fu Manchu! Save me, Blue Cheer! All I wanna do is rock, not rap-rock or mope-rock or bask in the tired tropes of adolescent ennui! I'm well aware that twelve years from now these nu metal bands and their songs will flood the late-night special order "That's My Music" nostalgia airwaves but... I can't take it! Fred Durst sprains an ankle and cancels several shows, yet Alice Cooper has cut off his head hundreds of times and STILL went on with the show! What a generation!
Has anyone else noticed that Nu Metal has now infilitrated the Classic Rock stations? That's right, those same ponytailed yet balding AOR programmers that thought playing "Paranoid" once a week would make them cool have now given into the weary weanings of "Outside" and "Crawling". Now, this fact may make some people quite happy but I'm certainly not one of them. Granted, classic rock stations are far from perfect but where else besides home am I to occasionally hear some of the better gems from Zeppelin, AC/DC, Judas Priest, et al? Yeah, some may retort that it's sad that I still listen to those old songs and that I should get with it and listen to the new stuff. Well I do listen to the new stuff. Any of you kids hear of Astroqueen or Fireball Ministry or Nebula or Eyehategod? No?! And yet you accuse me of being behind the times?!
There is nothing good or worthwhile about Limp Bikzit or Linkin Park and their brethren. NOTHING. They can't even write a decent song. It's all about the "style" and the "angst". Every single nu metal band follows a simple aesthetic formula: short spiky hair like a Japornimation hero come to life (or cornrows for the longhairs), a litany of meaningless tattoos that would make a rockabilly revivalist jealous, skateboard shoes (though they never 'board), baggy earthcolored pants, and lousy factory gear with only a modicum of knowledge how to use it; a complete fear of melody (it'll only stand in the way of the rapping), chug-a-chug semantics, 10th grade poetry skills, a weak understanding of dynamics, and the almighty rush to get to the anthemic chorus without any ultimate payoff (witness Drowsing Pool's "Let the Boobies Hit the Floor", a song so imbecilic that they actually have to count off how many bars are left until the "big" chorus).
Help me, Fu Manchu! Save me, Blue Cheer! All I wanna do is rock, not rap-rock or mope-rock or bask in the tired tropes of adolescent ennui! I'm well aware that twelve years from now these nu metal bands and their songs will flood the late-night special order "That's My Music" nostalgia airwaves but... I can't take it! Fred Durst sprains an ankle and cancels several shows, yet Alice Cooper has cut off his head hundreds of times and STILL went on with the show! What a generation!
by at 6:28 PM
I have to apologize for hinting about the whole Wilco thing a few days ago. I have deleted the post to aviod further confusion. I've chalked it up to my whole naivite (if that's how you spell that) about the way the internet works. I thought nobody read this site other than my close friends. But I forget that this thing trips search engines and stuff like that. Sorry if I misled anyone, I wasn't trying to bolster ratings or anything like that. Me stupid. The MP3s aren't there anymore anyhow, I guess you'll just have to wait. All I can say is, when it does come out, I'll be the first one in line to get it. They deserve your money.
by at 5:03 PM
Hey Lawless, I hope Rusty contacted you, we have a show! Woo Hoo! And we got some mail today! There's a first time for everything.
by at 4:28 PM
Reading what I posted last night I just realized that I came across sounding like a, ugh, Democrat. For the record, I despise Democrats as much as I do Republicans, so in the interest of hearing both sides of the political story I submit the following names to be lumped in w/ Galbraith, McCarthy and McNamara (who I chose because of his belated admission that America's foray into Vietnam's civil war was indeed a grave mistake, this coming form a fella who worked in the upper eschalon of a certain major automobile company located in Detroit-- and no it ain't Ford-- before patronizing Washington and the Johnson administration): Henry Kissinger, Jesse Helms & Alexander Haig. Dey have much spalining to do too.
by at 3:26 PM
The cover story of this week's edition of the Weekly World News posits that the recent spate of shark attacks in Southern Florida are the result of an insidious yet masterful ploy of espionage by none other than Fidel Castro. It's a great story, and I wish it were true but, alas, the truth is that the seemingly sudden attacks are really the half-assed brainchild of an American media desperate for a story to cling onto. I recall the cover story to either Time or Newsweek some weeks ago coining this the Summer of the Shark. That's hilarious, even funnier than the Weekly World News'. I know it's been slow-- so slow that in a fit of self-obsessed nervosa some newsstations have actually aired pieces on how slow and unnewsworthy the summer has been-- but is it really necessary to interrupt regular programming when Aaliyah and entourage die in a plane accident? Say, how about interviewing Kenneth Galbraith or Eugene McCarthy or Robert McNamara before they pass on instead of giving the son of Gary Condit any more airtime than the NONE that he deserves? Anyone willing to give Dith Pran a mic? How about Stephen Jay Gould? Or, dare I say it, Noam Chomsky or Edward Said or Howard Zinn? No? (muttered in a nasally caffeinated twang) "What? We gave Nader two and half minutes! Aren't you satisfied with that?" Our reply: Cowards! Self-serving self-interested corporate cowards!
(I implore you to watch "Manufacturing Consent", a nearly three hour documentary on Noam Chomsky. There's a segment where Noam amusingly and pointedly addresses why he's never been invited to speak on news shows. He speaketh the truth!)
(I implore you to watch "Manufacturing Consent", a nearly three hour documentary on Noam Chomsky. There's a segment where Noam amusingly and pointedly addresses why he's never been invited to speak on news shows. He speaketh the truth!)
by at 7:36 PM
It's 2001
Computers are everywhere
What's Rusty's problem?
Computers are everywhere
What's Rusty's problem?
by at 4:25 PM
More Radiohead Haiku!
If you think that a
Band can beat writers block with
Pro Tools - Guess again.
My girlfriend dumped me
Radiohead plus moping
Equals no clean shorts.
I checked out Kid A
Instead of nodding my head
I nodded to sleep.
Two disks, one session?
The last band to try that shit
Called their disk Reload.
That was fun!
If you think that a
Band can beat writers block with
Pro Tools - Guess again.
My girlfriend dumped me
Radiohead plus moping
Equals no clean shorts.
I checked out Kid A
Instead of nodding my head
I nodded to sleep.
Two disks, one session?
The last band to try that shit
Called their disk Reload.
That was fun!
by at 11:00 AM
Just thought I'd get a little artsy and creative and write a few haikus for everyone out there in Rockville (thanks to Arun from IFarm for the inspiration!) The subject is Radiohead.
I.
There are many great
British bands--Radiohead
Is not one of them.
II.
Forty-five dollars.
You didnít even play ìCreep.î
Sod off, you wankers!
III.
Thom Yorke canít help it
Itís tough to sing when your lungs
Are stuck in your nose.
IV.
Rock Rule Number One:
Never build a studio.
The Beatles learned that.
I.
There are many great
British bands--Radiohead
Is not one of them.
II.
Forty-five dollars.
You didnít even play ìCreep.î
Sod off, you wankers!
III.
Thom Yorke canít help it
Itís tough to sing when your lungs
Are stuck in your nose.
IV.
Rock Rule Number One:
Never build a studio.
The Beatles learned that.
by at 10:08 AM
You guys are gonna die when you see the new Lawless Kit! That's got to be the coolest store-bought drum set I've ever seen.
And in other news, you heard how Wilco refused to change their new record "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" for their label and were subsequently dropped? Don't know why, apparently the label thought it would be a career killer. I think it sounds great!
And in other news, you heard how Wilco refused to change their new record "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" for their label and were subsequently dropped? Don't know why, apparently the label thought it would be a career killer. I think it sounds great!
by at 4:13 PM
Who out there likes commercial radio? Go ahead, raise your hands. Anyone? Not many people in their right minds will concur with a statement outlining great satisfaction with the state of commercial radio. So let me ask another question: who out there likes net radio? Oh, I see quite a few hands out there. Yes indeed, if for nothing else internet radio stations do an infinitely better job in representing the various cliques and tastes of the music-enjoying public. That and many times there are little to no commercials or lame interstitial programming.
Long live net radio, right? Wrong.
A recent District Court ruling upheld the US Copyright Office's decision to make internet broadcasters pay royalty fees for the songs they play on their stations. That's fine and dandy for the stations owned by AOLTime Warner and other loss leader conglomerates with the capital to spend on such rulings. But what about independent broadcasters like NetRadio.com, Stonerrock.com, Batanga.com and 3wk.com? Come this time next year many of them will have ceased operations because they simply do not have the money to comply with the ruling. That or else the site will become a pay-service one, and in order to get people to pay they have to take the middle path and choose popular programming no different than what is already offered by traditional commercial radio. Call it thinning the herd, corporate style. Bear in mind that the Internet is not exclusively an American phenomenon. It serves the entire world. If this ruling becomes supremely effective, it will not only require royalties from American broadcasters but global ones as well. It will shut down Internet radio stations around the globe, even in countries whose copyright laws do not reflect the pessimistic ones of the United States. And then what will you listen to? Whatever Rubert Murdoch or Michael Eisner tell you to.
In other news, congrats to Savage for kicking the habit. Remember, though, as long as you are choosing to boycott Winston & Phillip Morris you should also boycott their subsidiaries. For example, Phillip Morris owns Post, Kraft, Miller and Nabisco. We the people have the power to direct the business ethics and candor of corporations. After all, without consumers they wouldn;t be in business. Spread the word, take action. The smallest ripple in a still lake has grand consequences.
Long live net radio, right? Wrong.
A recent District Court ruling upheld the US Copyright Office's decision to make internet broadcasters pay royalty fees for the songs they play on their stations. That's fine and dandy for the stations owned by AOLTime Warner and other loss leader conglomerates with the capital to spend on such rulings. But what about independent broadcasters like NetRadio.com, Stonerrock.com, Batanga.com and 3wk.com? Come this time next year many of them will have ceased operations because they simply do not have the money to comply with the ruling. That or else the site will become a pay-service one, and in order to get people to pay they have to take the middle path and choose popular programming no different than what is already offered by traditional commercial radio. Call it thinning the herd, corporate style. Bear in mind that the Internet is not exclusively an American phenomenon. It serves the entire world. If this ruling becomes supremely effective, it will not only require royalties from American broadcasters but global ones as well. It will shut down Internet radio stations around the globe, even in countries whose copyright laws do not reflect the pessimistic ones of the United States. And then what will you listen to? Whatever Rubert Murdoch or Michael Eisner tell you to.
In other news, congrats to Savage for kicking the habit. Remember, though, as long as you are choosing to boycott Winston & Phillip Morris you should also boycott their subsidiaries. For example, Phillip Morris owns Post, Kraft, Miller and Nabisco. We the people have the power to direct the business ethics and candor of corporations. After all, without consumers they wouldn;t be in business. Spread the word, take action. The smallest ripple in a still lake has grand consequences.
by at 5:04 PM
Hoo nelly, what a great weekend. It did give me some things to think about though. First up, I went to see Patti Smith downtown for free. Great show, man, great. Patti had Iggyís moves down to a science. She seemed pretty upset about something that was said or done earlier in the evening, which I missed because I was late getting there: Perhaps it was the banners above the crowd that read ìAmerican Invsco: Americaís Largest Condominium Developer,î or the ceaseless plugs for American Airlines, the Chicago Tribune, and other big-ass companies every time Patti left the stage. I mean, Iím glad someone paid for the stage and everything, but how much of this corporate advertising do we have to take? And what the hell is an ìInvsco?î You think with all of their money theyíd be able to buy a vowel or two. It really did feel like 1984, with big block letters spelling out slogans that didnít make much sense. At least it was free, and at least I got to see Pattiís amp, with a giant socialist star flag affixed to it, which she proceeded to blindfold herself with during her encore. I very nearly rioted.
After checking out a great band called Dragstrip Syndicate, I went to see some old favorites of mine, Rocket from the Crypt, at the Double Door. Big mistake. Winston cigarettes sponsored the evening. They had the entire club decked out in silver plastic, as if the entire room were the inside of a cigarette pack. They had go-go dancers, ice sculptures, laser lights, and were giving away jet skis and motorcycles. What a crock. The worst part was, according to a staff member, the laser lights and projection screens were drawing so much power that the air conditioners had to be shut off to avoid blowing the breakers. (Why would cancer merchants care about the health of the people in attendance?) So as a result it was about 150 degrees in there. I almost passed out myself. As a result, Iím now wearing a patch and plan on hanging up the consuming of those stinky plants. Way to go Winston and RFTC, youíve alienated this formerly loyal customer forever.
So suffice it to say I wonít ever see Reject from the Cancerstick againÖ They donít need my money, Iím sure they got paid up the ass for that. Apparently you can put a price tag on integrity (although no matter how much Winston spent paying the band and flying them in, it was blown out of the water on what they must have spent on all the promotional trappings.) Iím amazed they didnít dress those pussies up like cigarette packets.
After checking out a great band called Dragstrip Syndicate, I went to see some old favorites of mine, Rocket from the Crypt, at the Double Door. Big mistake. Winston cigarettes sponsored the evening. They had the entire club decked out in silver plastic, as if the entire room were the inside of a cigarette pack. They had go-go dancers, ice sculptures, laser lights, and were giving away jet skis and motorcycles. What a crock. The worst part was, according to a staff member, the laser lights and projection screens were drawing so much power that the air conditioners had to be shut off to avoid blowing the breakers. (Why would cancer merchants care about the health of the people in attendance?) So as a result it was about 150 degrees in there. I almost passed out myself. As a result, Iím now wearing a patch and plan on hanging up the consuming of those stinky plants. Way to go Winston and RFTC, youíve alienated this formerly loyal customer forever.
So suffice it to say I wonít ever see Reject from the Cancerstick againÖ They donít need my money, Iím sure they got paid up the ass for that. Apparently you can put a price tag on integrity (although no matter how much Winston spent paying the band and flying them in, it was blown out of the water on what they must have spent on all the promotional trappings.) Iím amazed they didnít dress those pussies up like cigarette packets.
by at 3:47 PM
Whew, man oh man have I been busy... and the site's been suffering as a result, natch. So, in the interests of time and amusement, I will produce my version of a Larry King column...
Andrea Yates pleads insanity, eh? Good luck, sweetheart. With the first kid's murder, maybe, MAYBE, I'd grant you temporary insanity. But then individually kill your other four children? You should be slapped w/ four separate counts of murder in the first degree (premeditation) and sent to prison for the rest of your natural-born life. I don't wanna hear any more of post-partum depression either. This country has enough excuses predicated upon "medical" syndromes as it stands. Sure, the Twinkie defense worked once, acquitting the murderer of Harvey Milk, but the jury (and the court) won't stand for it anymore. If they do then I'm starting a revolution. Lenny Bruce will be justified in his Quixotic fight against the hypocrisy of the American court system....... Anyone seen Planet of the Apes? Let me ruin the ending for those who haven't: it sucks... hey, the National Archives is willing to allow the industrial audio community to try and recover those lost 18 minutes from the Nixon tapes. If only we could recover the millions of lives lost in Southeast Asia b/c of Nixon and Kissinger's foreign policy....... the Spirit Caravan show at the Double Door two weeks ago was by far the best I've seen this year. Wino et al are a talented bunch of fellas, right kind ones at that. Gary Isom is a monster behind the kit, infinitely better than I anticipated. Can't argue w/ a show that ends w/ a Sabbath cover........ Bush goes on vacation for a month and all I get is a lousy $300 bribe to vote for him next go-around. Man, if I took a month vacation I would be fired. Comrades, perhaps we should look into a no-confidence vote for Dubya..... speaking of boobs, I sure like them...... when Fidel Castro inevitably dies, Cuba will be going to hell. American business interests will flood and consequently rule the markets without any labor and environment laws just like they did under the corrupt Batista regime. It'll be like the revolution of 1959 never even happened, that the last fifty years never occurred. Their prized socialized programs of education & health, as well as their burgeoning organic farming industry, will fall like a garbage scow dropped from the Empire State Building (had to work in a Pee Wee reference)....... these are weak, uninspiring, lacadaisical times in which we live........ seen American Pie 2? No? Well, it sucks too. Shame on you for even wanting to spend your hard-earned tax relief money on a prurient and witless investigation into the spiritual morass of American youth...... the practice space rocks. It's only a matter of time before Knife of Simpson gets off the ground and burns a city near you.
Andrea Yates pleads insanity, eh? Good luck, sweetheart. With the first kid's murder, maybe, MAYBE, I'd grant you temporary insanity. But then individually kill your other four children? You should be slapped w/ four separate counts of murder in the first degree (premeditation) and sent to prison for the rest of your natural-born life. I don't wanna hear any more of post-partum depression either. This country has enough excuses predicated upon "medical" syndromes as it stands. Sure, the Twinkie defense worked once, acquitting the murderer of Harvey Milk, but the jury (and the court) won't stand for it anymore. If they do then I'm starting a revolution. Lenny Bruce will be justified in his Quixotic fight against the hypocrisy of the American court system....... Anyone seen Planet of the Apes? Let me ruin the ending for those who haven't: it sucks... hey, the National Archives is willing to allow the industrial audio community to try and recover those lost 18 minutes from the Nixon tapes. If only we could recover the millions of lives lost in Southeast Asia b/c of Nixon and Kissinger's foreign policy....... the Spirit Caravan show at the Double Door two weeks ago was by far the best I've seen this year. Wino et al are a talented bunch of fellas, right kind ones at that. Gary Isom is a monster behind the kit, infinitely better than I anticipated. Can't argue w/ a show that ends w/ a Sabbath cover........ Bush goes on vacation for a month and all I get is a lousy $300 bribe to vote for him next go-around. Man, if I took a month vacation I would be fired. Comrades, perhaps we should look into a no-confidence vote for Dubya..... speaking of boobs, I sure like them...... when Fidel Castro inevitably dies, Cuba will be going to hell. American business interests will flood and consequently rule the markets without any labor and environment laws just like they did under the corrupt Batista regime. It'll be like the revolution of 1959 never even happened, that the last fifty years never occurred. Their prized socialized programs of education & health, as well as their burgeoning organic farming industry, will fall like a garbage scow dropped from the Empire State Building (had to work in a Pee Wee reference)....... these are weak, uninspiring, lacadaisical times in which we live........ seen American Pie 2? No? Well, it sucks too. Shame on you for even wanting to spend your hard-earned tax relief money on a prurient and witless investigation into the spiritual morass of American youth...... the practice space rocks. It's only a matter of time before Knife of Simpson gets off the ground and burns a city near you.
by at 3:32 PM
Well, on the lighter side, we're in the new room and getting psyched to record some tunes. That way I can start to actually promote the site. Once we get web hosting of course. I guess people will have to run back and check the archives for all of this brilliant literary shit we've been writing.
by at 3:45 PM
It's hotter out there than a two-peckered billygoat.
So someone stole my registration sticker. Again. At least they didn't get the whole plate like last time, due to my purchasing of locking liscense plate screws. (Who'd have thought you'd even need that sort of thing?) They tell you when you put the sticker on, that it can't be stolen or it will rip itself apart. That's gotta be bunk: When my bro had his windshield repaired they took his city sticker right off and put it on the new one. You can barely even tell it was switched, it looks so good. Oh well, I should have learned by now, next time I'm buying some of that clear paint coating and spraying it all over that dang thing. Hopefully that will stop them bastids from doing this again. The other solution would be a garage, but I just might be living in a garage by the end of the year.
Of course, you know the state of Illinois is thrilled to have my ten bucks that you need to pay to replace it. Why can't they just come up with a design that fits in your rear window? Oh yeah, because they don't care about us at all.
So someone stole my registration sticker. Again. At least they didn't get the whole plate like last time, due to my purchasing of locking liscense plate screws. (Who'd have thought you'd even need that sort of thing?) They tell you when you put the sticker on, that it can't be stolen or it will rip itself apart. That's gotta be bunk: When my bro had his windshield repaired they took his city sticker right off and put it on the new one. You can barely even tell it was switched, it looks so good. Oh well, I should have learned by now, next time I'm buying some of that clear paint coating and spraying it all over that dang thing. Hopefully that will stop them bastids from doing this again. The other solution would be a garage, but I just might be living in a garage by the end of the year.
Of course, you know the state of Illinois is thrilled to have my ten bucks that you need to pay to replace it. Why can't they just come up with a design that fits in your rear window? Oh yeah, because they don't care about us at all.
by at 3:41 PM
I heard Rusty puked his sorry P-Town guts out, like the little Tinkerbell bitch he is. And that was before he got on the plane!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Take that, wuss. You suck.
Take that, wuss. You suck.
by at 2:58 PM
Rusty and I were contemplating going to see Radiohead. Wearing loincloths and carrying big bolt cutters for the security fences. We'd scream for "Creep" all night until Thom started crying.
(Rusty, where are you? You get to ride in a WWII bomber and you still can't find anything to write about?)
(Rusty, where are you? You get to ride in a WWII bomber and you still can't find anything to write about?)
by at 1:07 PM
Meanwhile, Radiohead fans whose diets consist of Wendy's triple deluxe combos, deep fried chicken and sausage perished from dehydration before the first note of the set was even played. Their swollen bladders exploded, dousing Grant Park with urine, effectively defoliating the park and rendering the earth barren for the next two hundred years.
Enraged by the human race's shameful comportment, the watchful aliens from Andromeda 622-Alpha-Omicron landed the following afternoon to impose their own ideas of order on earth--but that's another chapter.
Enraged by the human race's shameful comportment, the watchful aliens from Andromeda 622-Alpha-Omicron landed the following afternoon to impose their own ideas of order on earth--but that's another chapter.
by at 12:17 PM
Dateline: August 1, 2001. Feverish heat strikes downtown Chicago asRadiohead plays for 27 thousand stoned nerds. Radiohead's tape machines and sequencers malfunction on the first song due to intense heat. Vocalist Thom Yorke mutters," Piss off you bleedin' hicks, I'm going back to the hotel to read a novel" and walks off stage after two songs. Patrons who paid to stand on public land get angry and attempt to riot. However, their diets of tofu burgers, frozen dinners and Wendy's baked potatoes make them too weak to do anything but hurl their black-rimmed glasses at the stage. Realizing that they can no longer see without their glasses, the nerds panic and trample themselves.
To everyone going to the Radiohead show in Chicago tonight: YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE.
To everyone going to the Radiohead show in Chicago tonight: YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE.
by at 10:24 AM